How We Define Success Negatively Impacts Our Sleep

Creating space in your day for quiet solitude is an important element of mindfulness and restful sleep. I touch on the need to create space briefly in Area 1: Self-Study of my book Love Thyself, First + Always. Here’s a deeper dive into this very important topic. If you’d prefer to listen to this blog post, here you go.

Our bodies are designed to be physically active and to rest often. But society places a great deal of value on cramming more into our days. The busier we are, the more ‘successful’ we are in the eyes of our peers. But we need to find the balance between doing and being (Another way to think of this is active and passive). When our days are filled with doing, there’s no time set aside for being.

We’re very familiar with the doing side of the equation. We get shit done. We move the ball forward. We meet deadlines. We feel accomplished. We’re mentally exhausted, but not necessarily physically exhausted because we skipped out on our workout. We repeat this cycle daily.

We’re less familiar with the being side of the equation. In the evenings, we binge watch TV, listen to music, or worse continue working. There’s no quiet solitude, just noise. There’s no extended pause for self-reflection, just more activity (I know sitting on the couch isn’t a physical activity, but it keeps the mind active). There’s no downtime, just more work (again, keeps the mind active). There’s no being.

When we fill our evenings and our minds with more activity and noise, we skip out on quiet solitude. When we skip out on quiet solitude, we have a hard time falling asleep and sleeping through the night.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s what we’ve come accustomed to, it’s a pattern. We don’t know there’s another way that supports our nervous system. We don’t have the tools to shift from doing to being. Also, we’re uncomfortable and unfamiliar with the being, or we’re avoiding the being, and that leads to more doing. Do you see the vicious cycle we’re in?

How do you get out of the constant spin of doing, of being mentally exhausted, and unable to sleep well?

Ask yourself these questions:

What is my relationship to doing?
How do I define success?
Where do I place my value?
Does it support me? If the answer is no, what is one thing I’ll change today to better support me?

Then, do these things:

Avoid adding more to-dos to your list. Say ‘no’ more often. No is a complete sentence. Delegate to a friend, a family member, or a colleague. Say yes when help is offered. Set aside dedicated time each day just for you.
Get exercise daily. Do not let your to-do list or your mental exhaustion squeeze out your workout. Just do it. You’ll feel better. Your mind and body will thank you.
Reduce the amount of noise and distractions throughout your day. Turn the TV or the music off. Put your phone on do not disturb. Let there be more time spent quietly. Drive to work or the grocery store without music on. Make dinner without talking. Spend an evening writing in your journal or reading a book. Take a hot bath. Go for a walk — alone — and without listening to music or a podcast. Instead, listen to your surroundings.
Create space in your calendar for more quiet solitude. Five minutes is a great place to start. Increase that to beyond 15 minutes and you’re golden because — The longer we sit in stillness, the calmer the mind becomes. The calmer the mind is, the easier it is for our body to tap into the rest and digest side of our nervous system. All of this leads to better sleep. And when we sleep better, we feel refreshed the next morning.
Take a restorative yoga class (not yin, there’s a difference). This is my absolute favorite way to slow down. If the mind is overactive, combine a vinyasa or stationary yoga practice with restorative yoga to get stagnant energy out of the mind and the body. This will allow you to tune into your parasympathetic nervous system faster and easier.

And lastly, notice how shifting from doing to being changes how you feel. Pay attention to the subtle shifts in your mind and body. Observe how your sleep improves. Notice how much calmer you feel overall. The more often you realize this positive change, the more often you’ll repeatedly come back to finding quiet stillness.

If you need help slowing down and would like to give meditation a try, I have a growing list of guided meditations available on YouTube. Give them a listen here.

Enjoy being with yourself so that you will rest well more often.

Take good care of yourself,

~Michelle